


If Today Was Your Last Day

by JocastaSilver



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Family Reunions, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Time Loop, Vito Russo Test Pass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 21:20:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14121072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JocastaSilver/pseuds/JocastaSilver
Summary: Ashley is forced to relive Virmire over and over again, unless she can find a way to break the cycle.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kahika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahika/gifts).



> An idea I've had in my head for a while, so I hope it's somewhat interesting.

Fuck! What did I do to deserve this?! Those were the words that raced through Ashley Williams’ mind as she stood in the cargo hold of the Normandy, considering she’d just died facing off multitudes of geth. Commander Shepard had made the call to save Kaidan and the salarians over her, and Ashley hadn’t regretted the choice. After all, everyone who signed up in the Alliance knew the someday they may have to sacrifice their life for their fellow soldiers. Besides there were more lives saved this way. She’d even told Shepard that she had no regrets though she doubted it would help assuage the Commander’s guilt. Really, though it wasn’t like she’d done anything particularly terrible enough to deserve hell.  
“Are you all right Williams?” Kaidan queried politely. Even though he wasn’t her type considering he was a bit too idealistic, he was a good friend and an excellent crewmate and didn’t deserve to deal with her nervous breakdown.  
Ashley waved him off. “I’m fine LT. Just a little nervous about our upcoming mission.”  
“Well, if we manage to take down Saren maybe we’ll have time left over to hang out at the beach and sip cocktails,” Kaidan joked. “You’ll do fine Williams.”  
She thanked him before heading off to the women’s bathroom and locking herself in one of the stalls. None of this made sense, unless the Commander hadn’t been able to save Kaidan and they were both stuck in this fucked-up limbo. Ashley discarded this idea when T’Soni entered the bathroom and stepped into a shower stall. T’Soni wasn’t even at Virmire. In addition, the strange stone she’d picked up on Virmire with Prothean symbols engraved on it still sat in her pocket. So, what the hell was happening to her? Ashley wasn’t sure, and that scared the crap out of her.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
This time Shepard ordered her to work with the salarians who were very proficient in combat and polite in spite of their terse responses to her occasional questions. Still, it hurt that she wasn’t able to save most of them. Shepard chose her this time, and just as Ashley was about to hop back onto the Normandy feeling numb and guilty, because it should have been Kaidan damn it! everything went black.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
It took several repetitions of this cycle before Ashley finally landed on an explanation, based on an old movie that her sister Sarah loved called Groundhog’s Day. Unfortunately, it had been some years since she’d last reluctantly endured watching it so Ashley only had a vague working knowledge of it. She knew it featured the main character living through the same day over and over again, but not how one went about breaking the cycle.  
She landed on an idea when she noticed Vakarian was practicing in the small shooting range. With blanks of course, since real ammunition was far too valuable to waste. The turian spent more time in the range then all the other crew members combined, even though Ashley privately felt he was the one who probably least needed the practice.  
“Do you mind if I jump in?” Ashley asked.  
“Not at all Williams,” Vakarian replied, before turning his attention back to his target.  
In spite of not speaking to each other, Ashley felt strangely at ease with the turian. He wouldn’t expect any explanation for her moodiness unlike Kaidan, Tali, and Shepard.  
After several rounds, Vakarian paused and walked over to her station. “We could swap and see how well you do with my preferred weapon.”  
“Sure, why the hell not,” Ashley declared, wondering why he was bothering. They weren’t enemies, but they sure as hell weren’t buddies since Ashley made her distaste for turians clear. The rifle Vakarian utilized turned out to be heavier with a stronger recoil. After several false starts, she got the hang of the weapon. After a couple of rounds, Ashley decided to call it quits and hit the showers.  
“Thanks for letting me use this,” she said. “I learned a lot.”  
“Yeah, your rifle is a fair bit more powerful than I was expecting,” Vakarian admitted.  
As she skipped back to the showers, Ashley found she was smiling to herself.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
That was how Ashley spent most of the two days leading up to Virmire, before the cycle reset itself. It was strangely enlightening and fun to learn about some of Liara’s archaeological papers, to debate with Wrex about battle strategy, or just spend some time with Garrus. The only catch was this cycle ended with death either for herself or Kaidan. Ashley had died so many times that she was somewhat numb to her own demise but watching Kaidan die always hurt.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
The day before they headed off to Virmire, Ashley decided to visit the Commander and get an answer that was niggling in the back of her mind.  
“I thought I was the one who visited everyone,” Shepard quipped, her hazel eyes light and teasing.  
“Actually, I was wondering if you could answer a question I had.”  
Shepard shrugged. “Depends on the question. As long as it isn’t about anything classified.”  
“Why do you hate your birthday?” Ashley asked. “The one-time Liara suggested celebrating you almost bit her head off.”  
“And you’d do just about anything for her,” she added to herself. While Ashley had noticed that Liara nursed an obvious crush on Shepard it had taken this cycle for her to note that Shepard definitely returned those feelings. In spite of regulations, Ashley found that she was happy for them both.  
Something like frustration blazed through Shepard before she finally slumped as if in defeat. This bothers Ashley, and she half-wishes she hadn’t asked. “I suppose it reminds me of my twin brother Eric. We never found his body after Mindoir, and I always assumed that meant the batarian slavers took him far away.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
Ellen Shepard shrugged. “It’s all right. It has been many years since that happened, and it helps to occasionally talk about him.”  
When Ashley gets her turn in one of the sleeper pods, she quietly plots to find out the true fate of Shepard’s brother, no matter how many cycles that may take.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
“Are you sure you’ve got the right guy?” she asked Barla Von for the fifth time. It took her two cycles to finally figure out how to discreetly contact him.  
The volus sighed, his patience clearly running thin. “Nothing in this business is certain Earth-Clan. But I can assure you this is all the knowledge the Shadow Broker possesses about the human you seek.”  
“Fair enough,” she conceded, considering this cost her half a month’s salary. After saying her good-byes, she cautiously perused the file. One word jumped out her. Cerberus. While Ashley was aware that by the Commander’s standards she was somewhat xenophobic, she would never ever consider joining Cerberus given that their “humans first” motto seemed like an excuse to commit violent acts. The thought that Commander Shepard’s own brother was part of their ranks. Although, maybe it was only out of gratitude for saving him from the batarians. Either way, she knew this wasn’t something she could talk to Shepard about.  
As she was musing about what to do, she suddenly heard a noise from the other side of the cargo hold. It was Garrus, who seemed just as startled to see her here.  
“You all right there Williams?” he inquired. “You look a little ‘pensive’ as you humans say.”  
“What if someone you cared about was with a group who were bad, but they didn’t want to leave?” Ashley asked, desperately aching for some sort of guidance even if it was from a maverick turian cop.  
“I’d get proof that they were bad and show it to them I guess,” Garrus replied. “I’m sorry if that’s not helpful.”  
“No, that’s just what I needed to hear, thank you,” Ashley said, before heading to the mess hall. This would have to sit until she figured out how to break this tedious cycle.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Of course, her resolution to remain calm is broken when Garrus goes down in flash of bullets, and she runs to him screaming until her vocal cords are stretched to their limits and scratched as a broken record. She touches his chest tentatively and is relieved that he isn’t bleeding much blue blood. Thank God, he does pick himself back up and seems a bit bemused that she was worried about him. Ashley’s so embarrassed by her display that getting blown with the bomb is almost a relief.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Shit! Ashley swore under her breath as she paced back in forth in the women’s restroom. Fortunately, none of the other women in the Normandy’s crew were present to question why she was a nervous wreck. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with a fellow crewmember, especially not the only one who happened to be a turian. And yet, she found herself admiring Garrus’ courage if not his methods. His mindset of “the galaxy sucks, but I’m going to do the right thing anyways” was not dissimilar to her own views. Moreover, she discovered that she was now somewhat aroused by his deep, yet gentle voice. A few months ago, Ashley would have attempted to suppress her feelings, because she was a Williams and she couldn’t afford to be caught fraternizing, especially not with a turian! But being stuck in a time loop made her recognize that life was too fucking short to hide from her feelings. The only question was, how would Garrus react if she informed him of her feelings?  
“I’m half sick of shadows,” Ashley whispered to herself. She wasn’t a Tennyson fan, but the lines of the poem described her situation perfectly, longing to end this curse. First, she had to gather the items she required. Just to be safe, she ordered condoms.  
She caught up with Garrus who was practicing in the shooting range. His shots for the most part either hit their mark or were at only two inches off. When he heard her approach, his shot went wild.  
“You know Garrus, you’re probably the one who needs to practice your skills the least,” Ashley pointed out.  
“If I don’t practice then my skills dull,” Garrus pointed out. “I can’t afford to slip up in our fight against Saren.”  
“True.” Silence fell between, yet it didn’t feel oppressive, but seemed to bind the pair together with invisible cords. Somehow Garrus had wormed his way into her heart, and it scared the hell out of Ashley. Sure, she had a boyfriend or two in high school, and she’d cared about them, but this was different.  
“How do turians stay relaxed before a mission?” she asked casually.  
“With violence actually, our commanders run us a lot more strictly so they realize we need to blow off steam,” Garrus explained once he decided that her curiosity was sincere. “There are shooting ranges even full contact sparring.”  
“Turian crewmembers fight with each other right before missions,” Ashley said in disbelief.  
“It’s all supervised of course, no one wants to risk an injury that will disrupt the mission,” Garrus replied. “And it’s a way of settling grudges amicably. There was this recon scout who kept arguing with me. She suggested we settle it in the ring.”  
“What happened next?”  
“It was brutal,” Garrus admitted. “After nine rounds, the judges called a draw. There were a lot of unhappy bettors. We held a tie breaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress I guess.”  
Ashley decided to take the plunge, hoping she didn’t sound like a besotted idiot. “Well maybe we could ease tension together,” she suggested, her palms sweaty, and her heartbeat bouncing up and down like one those miniscule, bouncy balls.  
Garrus’ talons twitched and his eyes trailed up and down her body as though he was uncertain how to answer her. “Are you sure? I’m sure you could find something closer to home,” he commented.  
“I want you Garrus,” she said, aware that she had a snowball’s chance in hell of actually getting into bed with the turian given that Garrus had shown no signs of being attracted to asari, let alone humans. “As long as you’re interested.”  
“I’ve never thought about it,” he admitted. “But I trust you.”  
“Great, let’s figure out a time and place,” Ashley replied, eager to get started. As it turns out, the night before they arrive on Virmire is the best time, since everyone else will be preoccupied with mission prep. Chakwas raised an eyebrow ever so slightly when Ashley came into the med bay requesting allergy meds, but the doctor’s professionalism won out and she doesn’t interrogate her.  
They decided to meet up in a storage closet, not the most romantic place on the ship, but the easiest to prevent any of their squad mates from walking in on them. Garrus still looks slightly nervous, with pills of his own cupped in his right talons. To honest, Ashley feels a bit like a nervous teenager herself. The last time she’d been sexually active was with her last serious boyfriend Richie (they both mutually agreed right before graduation that a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work). Hesitantly, she reaches a hand forward and gently touches Garrus’ fringe, recalling from late night research that this is a sensitive spot for turians.  
“Spirits,” Garrus murmured, his vibrating with desire. Then he leans down and kisses her. It’s tentative and inexperienced and, yet strangely sweet. There lots of kissing and better than that exploring that feels extremely erotic in spite of their fully clothed states. Then she wanted more and they both awkwardly struggle to remove their clothes. Then, there’s just her and Garrus, and for all the awkwardness it’s a moment of heaven for Ashley before she has to throw herself once more into the hell that is Virmire.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
“I’ve got something for you LT,” Ashley said as she approached Kaidan, who was engrossed in checking his armor for chinks. Somehow this was more difficult than propositioning Garrus.  
“Depends on what it is Williams,” Kaidan uttered.  
“Just something I saw online,” Ashley replied, not mentioning that she’d barely managed to rush ship it to the Normandy. It had arrived during their brief stop on a small outpost to refuel and stock up on weapons. She just prayed that the reviews were accurate. Ashley’s prayed before, mostly that she will break the Williams curse, and that maybe someday she'd find someone to share her life with. But this was desperate pleading to God to end this cycle of pain, and heartache.  
“Geth home defense system. I’m pretty sure this probably isn’t worth what you spent on it Williams.”  
“With all due respect LT, you never know when you might be outnumbered by geth,” she commented, willing him to accept it.  
Fortunately, he must have decided to humor her. “Thank you for your concern.” Kaidan immediately dived back into his work.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
As she moved swiftly to keep up with the salarians, Ashley decided that if she never saw this God-forsaken planet again it would be too soon. She empathized with Shepard when Kaidan claimed he could handle the geth on his own. If she’d been in the Commander’s position, she would have been just as skeptical. She expected time to reset itself and send back down the same depressing, tedious path, so Ashley was shocked when this didn’t occur. She smiled when Kaidan boarded the Normandy bruised but alive.  
They left Virmire behind them, and in spite of facing the unknown, Ashley Williams felt more confident than ever now that she had finally broken her cycle.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided to continue this since there is a gigantic plot thread I left dangling.

“Fuck the Council and Fuck Udina,” Ashley muttered under her breath. It was sadly typical for them all to ignore the threat presented by Saren, and she was frustrated that the rogue Spectre was carrying out his diabolical plot and they were helpless to prevent him.   
“I’m not sure I’d want to fuck either the Council or Udina, they wouldn’t fit in my bed,” Garrus joked, although Ashley sensed he was only saying that reassure her. He was just as angry as she was.  
“So, do you want to go hang out at Chora’s?” Ashley inquired cautiously. While she’d fallen in love with Garrus as a result of a crazy Groundhog’s Day time loop, she knew Garrus’ feelings weren’t as strong and she didn’t want to push too hard and scare him away.  
“It beats staying on the ship.”  
With that the pair departed the Normandy each carrying a pistol just in case they got attacked by rioters. After all, the crew wasn’t exactly popular among the residents of the Citadel at the moment. Chora’s Den was the same as always with asari strippers and sketchy clientele. They ended up taking seats at the bar. Garrus ordered a dextro beer, while Ashley opted for a mojito.   
“So, what exactly is in your drink?” Garrus asked as the bartender placed their drinks in front of them.”  
“It’s got rum, mint leaves, club soda, and lime juice,” Ashley explained. “One of my father’s ancestors was from Cuba, so it’s my way of honoring them. I know it probably seems a bit silly….”  
“I think it’s sweet,” Garrus replied. “In turian culture you’re supposed to honor your ancestors.”  
“Wait is that why you all always seem to say ‘spirits’ all the time?”  
Garrus actually laughed. “Yeah, I suppose you could say that.”  
Suddenly, the awkwardness between them dissolved and they swapped hilarious stories about their respective experiences in boot camp over booze and snacks. It was late by the time, they decided they’d better head back to the Normandy. While they both were normally excellent fighters neither were willing to take any chances with alcohol in both their systems.   
“Wait you really swapped your drill sergeant’s gun magazines for Penthouse,” Ashley inquired in disbelief. “How the hell did you manage to get your hands on them?”  
“There’s a fairly decent amount of bored recruits willing to trade stuff either for money or something they want,” Garrus admitted. “Of course, I ended up on bathroom duty for a month because of that stunt.”  
“Damn, I don’t think I’d have the guts to prank my drill sergeant,” Ashley said as she laughed. She’d known Garrus was a bit of daredevil, but pranks in boot camp was ballsy even for him.   
“Well I was reckless and annoyed that he kept berating me for not being a ‘model turian’. I’ve never been able to not question orders if I thought they were wrong. You probably guessed that when you witnessed being chewed out by my manager.”  
“To be honest, I haven’t really faced an order I thought was wrong,” Ashley uttered. “I’ve been pissed when I kept getting crap assignments, but none of my COs have ordered me to do something I didn’t feel comfortable doing. I’m not sure what I would do. I’d prefer to imagine that I would object if we were about to commit war crime, but I’m honestly not sure. Serving in the military is in my blood. I don’t know what I’d do without it.”  
“I’m sure you’d find something Ashley,” Garrus countered. “You’re a gifted, talent woman who can adapt to change.”  
“Thanks, Garrus. I suppose I kind of needed to hear that right now. You’re as talented as Shepard when it comes to giving pep talks.”  
Garrus chuckled, his fringe twitching in amusement. “I don’t think any of us can compete with someone who talked down a criminal being manipulated by a sentient plant.”  
As they stepped into the airlock and the decontamination process began, Ashley reflected that for once in her life she was truly happy. She’d broken the tedious cycle, fallen in love, and saved Kaidan. Plus, she’d recently received a letter from her mother reporting that all was well with her sisters.   
“Now we just have to kick the bad guy’s ass into next week and everything will be perfect,” she thought. “Or as perfect as it can get around here.”  
Speaking of Kaidan, said man was pacing back and forth nervously as if he was awaiting some catastrophic event.   
“If you’re not careful LT you’ll wear a hole into the floor,” she joked.  
“Shepard left to attend a meeting at Flux with Anderson,” Kaidan explained. “To discuss the issue of the Normandy being grounded.”  
Belatedly, Ashley remembered that Kaidan still nursed a bit of a crush on the Commander. “I’m sure she’ll be fine LT.”  
Just then, said Commander burst into the room with her short blond hair frizzed up. “Joker, we need to be airborne in five minutes before we get caught.”  
“Wait, did we just steal the Normandy?” Ashley queried, her throat constricting like a snake. Everything was happening so fast it felt like someone jumped from the pause button to fast forward on a tv.  
“Well it’s either that or allow Saren to utilize the Conduit and destroy the known galaxy,” Commander Shepard countered, before leaving to inform Joker of the coordinates to Ilos.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
That night there was desperation to their coupling, because it was entirely possible that one of them wasn’t coming back. Fortunately, due to the rest of the crew being caught in preparations for the journey to Ilos they were able to get some privacy.   
“Are you, all right?” Garrus asked her afterwards. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”  
Ashley shook her head vigorously, unwilling to admit that she loved him. “No, you haven’t. I’m fine and we should probably get ready in case Shepard wants one of us on her team.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
The dress shoes pinched far too tightly, as Ashley sat with her squad mates. She’d been to funerals before, including her father’s. But this one was different. Maybe, because the Alliance praised Shepard as a martyr while concealing evidence of the Reaper’s existence. Maybe, it was because she wanted to scream at God that this was unfair, and why did he have to smash poor Liara’s heart into a million pieces? The asari sat still as a statue, with the occasional salty tears streaming down her cheeks revealing she was actually flesh and blood.   
After the funeral, the group ended up at a dingy bar that Kaiden swore served the best Canadian lager. Liara politely declined, and Tali left after an hour so as not to miss her flight back to the migrant fleet. She cautiously sipped the drink, which burned down her throat like liquid fire. Ashley felt herself struggling to bottle up her emotions. It wouldn’t do to explode in front of her squamates, when they needed her to be the strong one. A talon gently squeezed her right hand from under the table and for the first time all day Ashley Williams smiled.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Ashley’s knuckles tightened up instinctively as she scanned the third recruitment letter sent by Cerberus. She would give them credit for their persistence. While Alliance Command hadn’t ordered her to infiltrate Cerberus, it was suggested that it may be of great benefit to Alliance in general intel wise. Ashley wasn’t used to making decisions regarding her future in the military and this one was quite perplexing. She needed advice from someone who wasn’t in the Alliance who could be trusted not to spread the news around. Ashley booted up her laptop and logged into her email. Then she typed her message with an encryption Garrus had taught since she didn’t want it to fall into the wrong hands.  
To: GVakarian@Omega.net  
From: SickofShadows@Quibble.net  
I won’t waste time with pleasantry and admit I’m in a bit of a conundrum. The Alliance isn’t ordering me to infiltrate Cerberus, but they’re suggesting it would be an excellent plan even though I a. know nothing about spying, b. would probably end up blowing my cover, and c. wouldn’t know how acquire useful intel.  
Any suggestions as to what I should do would be appreciated.  
Sincerely,  
Ashley Williams  
To: SickofShadows@Quibble.net  
From: GVakarian@Omega.net  
Ashley,  
Just so we’re clear I’ll support you either way, but I have faith that you could do this, if you put your mind to it. Gathering intel is easier than you think. Just be a listening ear like Shepard was and so much intel flowing into your hands you won’t know what to do with it all.  
Sincerely,  
Garrus Vakarian  
Ashley was grateful for Garrus’ support even if said support was sporadic due to Omega’s fluctuating extranet connection. However, it wasn’t because of the Alliance she was saying “yes”. It was a compelling responsibility to Shepard’s twin brother. She couldn’t save Shepard, but she could save Eric. She nervously dialed up the number typed on the sheet of paper and waited patiently for a response.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Ashley winced as objects were tossed to and fro in the room next door. From the sounds emanating from the room, someone wasn’t pleased. In fact, she almost felt sorry for Miranda Lawson, even if she was an uptight bitch. Calming down someone who was that irate wasn’t a pleasant task. The door slid open and a masculine version of Shepard burst out of the room, his tan skin flush with anger. He glared daggers at Ashley as though this predicament of his was all her doing. Getting close to Eric Shepard would be more difficult than she’d initially anticipated.   
“I don’t understand why I have to work with her,” he hissed. “I’ve done perfectly fine on my own in the past.”  
“It has been decided that you would benefit from Ms. Williams’ experience serving in the Alliance,” Miranda replied calmly. The raven-haired woman was excellent at orating bullshit explanations, Ashley acknowledged since the true reason Eric was present was because she’d asked to work with him.   
“Well I’d like to lodge an official protest to this!” Eric countered.  
“If you can’t accept this new arrangement you are free to part ways with Cerberus.”  
Eric gulped at Miranda’s ultimatum, and glanced back and forth between the two women. Cerberus was an intrinsic part of his life, and he was obviously reluctant to throw it away even if he despised his new teammate. Finally, he swallowed heavily. “I guess I can live with it,” he said with a huff.   
“Excellent, I’ll give you some time to get acquainted with each other,” Miranda replied, before departing from the room.  
Ashley was about to say something when Eric finally turned and faced her, his blue eyes cold as ice. “Listen, I know you worked with my sister, but I’d prefer you don’t bring her up, since as far as I’m concerned she abandoned me when the batarians attacked Mindoir.”  
Any explanation of Ellen Shepard’s pain died on her lips, and all Ashley could do was nod. She needed to befriend Eric before she could persuade him to leave Cerberus and arguing about his sister’s actions would be counterproductive.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Eric grumbled under his breath as the pair were summoned by Miranda for a “classified mission”. Ashley didn’t take his complaints personally since being ornery was ingrained deeply into Eric Shepard’s nature. The journey to the mysterious space station containing Project Lazarus was a long, awkward one. Miranda Lawson looked as composed and put together as she usually did her form-fitting uniform devoid of wrinkles and not a hair out of place, but there was a slight wariness in her eyes that was unusual.   
“Just in case you didn’t receive the memo, what you are about to view is extremely classified and shouldn’t be shared to anyone outside this room,” Miranda explained.  
“We got the message when you insisted we utilize that clunker of shuttle to get here,” Eric complained.  
Ashley didn’t chastise him, because a part of her privately agreed. She’d just learned to keep any uncomplimentary thoughts to herself, since it wouldn’t improve the situation. With her lecture completed, the women ushered the pair into a white, sterile room so bright with fluorescent lights that Ashley blinked her eyes as they gradually adjusted to the blinding light. In the center of the room was a hospital bed equipped with all the latest monitors. And in the bed… Ashley gasped her airway constricted like a snake. Ellen Shepard who had died two years previously was lying in that bed, her chest rising and falling. There were scars embossed all over her body that glowed a sickly yellow, but apart from that the Commander looked healthy for someone who’d died in the vacuum of space.   
Eric appeared to be on the verge of expelling the contents of her stomach, and Ashley didn’t blame him. She probably would have reacted similarly if it was one of her sisters.   
“What kind of sick game are you playing Lawson?!” he spat.   
Miranda’s eyes flashed briefly with sympathy. “I understand this a shock to you, but the Lazarus Project operated under complete secrecy. It was only recently I was able to obtain permission to bring you onto the project.”  
“Could we have a minute alone?” Ashley requested. Eric looked on the verge of falling apart.  
“Of course,” Miranda said. “I need to go over the latest reports Wilson’s compiled for me anyways.”  
As soon as she left, Eric yelled. “Fuck! How could this be happening to me?!”  
“This is a surprise to me too,” Ashley admitted. She was also calculating how to inform the Alliance of this without getting caught. This changed everything about her mission.  
“And you know, I still want to be pissed at her for leaving me. But at the same time, I’m happy she’s alive. Is that screwed up or what?” Eric inquired.  
“Situations become complex when you’re dealing with the people closest to you,” Ashley replied, feeling like she sounded disconcertingly similar to Ellen. She reached a hand out, and for the first time Eric didn’t push away, and grasped her hand as though it was the only life line preventing him from drowning in the bottomless ocean that was his emotions.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
And of course, just when everything was running smoothly a sudden attack ruined everything. This was the first time she’d fought side by side with Eric, and while he lacked his twin sister’s affinity for biotics, he compensated with incredible skill in tech and rifles. He would set traps, and they’d race in guns blazing once they were sprung. As it turned out, Ellen didn’t need their assistance. She’d already managed to save herself, in spite of not being fully healed.   
She ignored Ashley and fixed an icy glare at Eric. “Where the fuck have you been?! I looked everywhere for you, and a part of me hoped you were dead, because I knew what those batarian bastards did to their slaves. And now it turns out you’ve been part of Cerberus this whole fucking time!”  
Suddenly, she hugged Eric tightly, sobbing heavily. Eric awkwardly patted his sister’s back until she pulled away. “I thought you weren’t looking for me,” he admitted.   
“Well I guess we both were wrong,” Ellen said.  
Ashley exhaled in relief that the awkward family reunion was complete. Ellen finally noticed her and appeared on the verge of inquiring about her presence, when Wilson gate crashed the reunion only to eliminated in cold blood by Miranda, who nonchalantly explained that Wilson was a traitor. It took much coaxing from Miranda that the odds of any other survivors were dismal, before Ellen acquiesced to departing from the station. Hopefully, Ashley could receive answers regarding Cerberus’ future plans and inconspicuously sneak off to relay the vital intel she’d learned while on the Lazarus Project to the Alliance.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Frustratingly, it was two weeks before Ashley spotted a brief window of free time on Ilium. Ellen was understandably distrustful of both Jacob and Miranda and made a point of always having Ashley present in any shore party she assembled. A couple of years ago, Ashley would have sacrificed one of her limbs to be highly trusted by her CO, in spite of her unexpected allegiance change to Cerberus. Now however, it only emphasized how precarious her current situation was.   
Ashley strolled along Berikokkia Boulevard, which boasted a vibrant selection of shops, cafés, and bars. When Ellen declared after performing some tasks for Liara that they were taking a break from missions, the asari was quick to recommend this district as “touristy, but pleasant”. Occasionally, Ashley surreptitiously glanced behind her to ensure she wasn’t being tailed by Cerberus operatives. Finally, after thirty minutes of traipsing around the area, sporadically entering stores as if she were window shopping, Ashley ducked into a café reminiscent of one she’d visited in Paris with her family on one of the rare vacations they’d taken. While it was a sunny and warm day, she opted to sit inside at one of the wooden tables to ensure she couldn’t be easily overheard.   
She’d eaten a light lunch consisting of a turkey and cheddar cheese sandwich accompanied by a pickle and was lightly sipping on her second cup of café au lait when her contact finally showed up.   
“Damn! Now I see why the higher ups were so insistent I go on this mission,” James chortled as he sat in the chair opposite her. “After all, it wouldn’t be strange that I’m here to rescue you from the diabolical schemes of Cerberus.”  
Ashley bit her lip to keep herself from laughing. Unlike most of her squad mates in the 212, James hadn’t given a rat’s ass about her grandfather. On top of that, he possessed an excellent sense of humor and was understanding of her need to avoid fraternization. Before she’d fallen head over heels for Garrus, she’d secretly nursed a crush on James.   
“I’m just glad you’ve managed to stay out of trouble, hermanito,” Ashley replied.  
James rolled his eyes. “I’m not that much younger then you Williams.”  
“I can’t help acting the part of a big sister,” she countered. “It’s in my blood.”  
As they chattered about what mutual friends were up to, she discretely slid him a folder containing all her latest intel (encrypted in case it was intercepted).  
“Be careful Ash,” he said, his usual buoyant demeanor absent. “The galaxy’s a dangerous place.”  
“Now who’s being the overprotective sibling,” Ashley retorted.  
“I have faith in your ability to look after yourself, but thing’s have been dicey lately since those human colonies vanished into thin air,” James pointed out.  
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Ashley said, as she mentally calculated the amount of tip for her meal. “And you be careful too, Vega.”  
After he left, she quickly finished her coffee and paid. Now that her task was accomplished, Ashley vacillated between continuing to window shop or beginning the long trek back to the Normandy. On one hand, there was only so much window shopping she could do before she got bored. On the other hand, the Commander didn’t require her assistance at the moment.  
Suddenly, her omnitool lit up like Armistice Day fireworks (all vermillion, violet, periwinkle, and emerald), indicating that someone had left her a message. Well, maybe it was one of her sisters requiring some sage advice from their big sister. Ashley was a pro at managing situations like that.  
“Ashley, it’s Garrus. I hate to ask this, but I’m kind of in a jam and I need your help.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ashley and Garrus reunite, Kaidan struggles with budding feelings, and family ties prove to be vital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally planning for this to be the final chapter, but I decided to split it so y'all don't have to wait longer.

Ashley raced back to where the Normandy was docked as rapidly as her legs could carry her. At least twice, she tripped and fell on the sidewalk, scrapping her knees. She would quickly inspect her legs to ensure they weren’t broken, pick herself up and continue her sprint. She was panting by the time the ship came into view, her heart loudly beating into her eardrums.   
“Are you all right Williams?” the AI inquired. “My scanners indicate that your heart beat is elevated above its normal rate. I would recommend rest and drinking plenty of water and other liquids.”  
Ashley admitted to herself that even after a month on the SR-2, the AI was disconcerting, and she still half expected it to murder her while she was asleep. “I’m fine. I just need to speak with Commander Shepard.”  
“I’ll let Commander Shepard know right away,” the AI replied politely. “The conference room is available if you wish to utilize it.”  
“No thank you,” Ashley replied. “I can wait here.”  
Judging from the sweat Ellen emitted from her light brown skin, she’d probably interrupted her during an exercise session. Ashley smothered any misgiving regarding her request. Time was running out for Garrus, and every minute counted.   
“EDI informed me you required my presence,” Ellen said. “Is there something you need?”  
“I hate to beg Shepard, but I received a distress call from Garrus, and it sounds dire,” Ashley explained. “With your permission, I would like to attempt a rescue mission.”  
Apart from a raised eyebrow, Ellen gave no indication that this was shocking news. Then again, maybe she was used to fulfilling the entreaties of her crew. “Where exactly would this rescue mission take place on?”  
“Omega.”  
“Well, since Lawson already informed me we have several new recruits to acquire there, it won’t be out of our way,” Ellen replied. “Besides, it would be excellent to have another old crew member on board whose loyalty lies with me rather than Cerberus.”  
Within the blink of an eye, Ellen was commanding Joker to plot a course for Omega, and Ashley prayed that they weren’t too late.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Coincidentally, Garrus was unmasked as one of the potential recruits on the Illusive Man’s list. Ashley vacillated between feeling relief that Garrus was meant to accompany them to battle the Collectors and disquieted that Garrus’ performance as a vigilante placed him on the Illusive Man’s radar.   
The moment Garrus removed his helmet, Ashley ran into his arms and embraced him tightly. There was also a miniscule lifting of the weight of her persistent fear that he would perish here on Omega, and she’d squandered the opportunity to express her love for him.   
“I’m glad to see you too Ashley,” he said, his vocal cords rumbling with ecstasy.   
“Now let’s kick some mercenary butt together!” she declared.   
“At least I’m excellent at ensuring you have plenty of opportunities to fight,” Garrus wryly observed.   
“Ahem, I hate to be the one to break up a touching reunion, but we kind of have three bands of mercenaries to take care of,” Lawson interjected.  
Lawson might be a buzzkill, but she did have a point. It was surprisingly easy to remember Garrus’ fighting style and to compliment it; she enjoyed utilizing her skills in a fight, but Garrus’ presence transformed the combat into a choreographed dance. The moment the rocket smashed into Garrus, Ashley yelled and dived to press her hands onto his chest, attempting to staunch the flow of turquoise blue blood. She zoned out of Ellen calling up Joker for a pick up.  
The next thing she recalled was anxiously pacing back and forth outside the med bay. While Lawson departed to shower, Ellen hung around as if she was uncertain of leaving Ashley alone.  
“So how are you and Liara doing?” Ashley queried for lack of anything better to ask.  
“We’re doing ok,” Ellen replied. “I wish she was with us right now, but I understand she’s a bit preoccupied with battling the Shadow Broker.” She glanced at the door to the medical bay briefly before Ellen added, “Did you know about the Archangel thing?”  
“Yeah, I knew,” Ashley admitted. “Things weren’t easy for any of us with the Alliance and the Council denying that the Reapers existed and crime running rampant on the Citadel. It was a struggle to persuade Garrus to stay in contact.”  
Just then, Dr. Chakwas appeared and motioned for both of them to join her. “I have some good news. Garrus’ prognosis looks good, although he required some cybernetic implants. I will discharge him from the medbay within forty-eight hours, in order to allow his face to heal up.”  
“Thank you Dr. Chakwas,” Ashley replied, before departing for her own bunk.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Ashley never believed she’d ever empathize with Miranda, but the situation with her younger sister Oriana altered that. It was clear that Miranda loved her sister as much as Ashley loved her sisters, and it was heartbreaking that Miranda believed she didn’t deserve to interact with Oriana.   
“It’s like Tennyson said, ‘Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all’,” Ashley argued.  
“I’m fairly certain that this situation wasn’t what Tennyson had in mind when he wrote that,” Miranda retorted.  
“At least give her a chance to get to know you,” Ellen gently cajoled.   
“Fine, I’ll see if you Oriana wants to talk to me,” Miranda said in defeat.  
As the raven-haired woman sauntered over to her sister, Ellen and Ashley shared a smile.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
When Garrus requested they take a team to deal with Sidonis, Ashley already possessed enough misgivings to invite herself along, and Garrus’ rough handling of Harkin bothered her a bit, even if the man was a crook. Now Shepard was pleading with him not to take the shot, and she couldn’t sit by and watch.  
“Garrus don’t do this!” she begged.   
“What if it was the person who hurt 212?” Garrus countered. “Or one of your sisters?”  
“I’m not saying I don’t comprehend your reasons Garrus, I just want to point out that this won’t fix anything. It won’t bring back your team,” Ashley replied.  
Finally, after several agonizing minutes Garrus backed off. “Just go. Tell him to go.”  
Sidonis calmly complied, and Ashley exhaled a sigh of relief that they’d solved the problem without violence.   
Garrus attempted to apologize as he climbed into the car, “Ashley I’m sorry for bringing up the 212. That was selfish of me.”  
“It’s ok, and you’re right. I don’t know how I’d react if I could get a hold of the geth who massacred my teammates, but revenge doesn’t really fix the underlying issues, and it just causes more pain and death.”  
“True,” Garrus admitted.  
Ashley reached out and grasped his hand gently as they flew back to the Normandy. At least, she hadn’t lost Garrus to his quest for vengeance.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
“Hey, could we talk for a minute?” Eric asked, checking to ensure Miranda was absent.   
After completing several missions on the Citadel, Ellen declared that the rest of the day would be free, and quite a few of the crew took advantage of that. Ashley and Garrus opted to stop by a coffee shop Garrus used to visit while on lunch breaks at C-Sec. The coffee and scones were excellent, and Garrus decided to duck into the restroom.   
Eric had apparently tracked them down, and after discerning that this must be serious for him to badger her for advice, Ashley responded, “Sure, what did you want to discuss?”  
“It’s about Cerberus. I was so grateful to them for rescuing me from the batarians that I never stopped to consider their more nefarious activities. But after seeing what happened to Jack, I can’t suppress my disgust with what they’ve done, and I don’t know if I can remain with them.”  
Ashley couldn’t believe that she’d finally found her opportunity to persuade Eric, but she couldn’t scare him off. “Then don’t.”  
“What?” Eric inquired in confusion.  
“After we defeat the Collectors, leave Cerberus,” Ashley suggested. “It won’t be easy, but you know your sister would support you one hundred percent.”  
Eric pondered her words for a couple of minutes before he replied, “I’ll think about.”  
As Eric abruptly departed and Garrus finally returned to their table, Ashley reflected that Eric hadn’t actually promised to quit Cerberus. But at least, it was a start.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
When Garrus showed up in the starboard lounge, Ashley was already expecting him. The fact they were about to depart on a suicide mission via the Omega mass relay, with their chances of survival tiny, meant there were facts she needed to inform him of.  
“I just got off having an e-chat with Sarah,” she informed. “If anything happens, she’ll let Mom and my other sisters know that I loved them and I fought the Collectors so they would be safe.”  
“Yeah, I left a message for Solana and my father,” Garrus replied. “Hopefully, they’ll get it if something happens.”  
“I’ll make sure they do.” It was surprising how much she trusted Garrus in a way she hadn’t with her previous boyfriends.   
“Actually, there’s something I need to tell you,” Garrus confessed. “I kind of feel like I’m falling in love with you and I’m wondering if you feel the same way.”  
“Yes, I do,” Ashley admitted. “But there’s something else I need to tell you.”  
“I am as you humans say ‘all ears’,” Garrus replied.  
“Well, I was sort of in a time loop for a long while, and that’s why I know things about you, Eric, and the others, because I lived through a portion of time over and over again.”  
“Wait was this around Virmire?” Garrus queried.  
“Yeah,” Ashley admitted. “I know it sounds crazy but…”  
“We’re going through the Omega relay that fight a bunch of creatures that are plotting to bring back sentient machines that are responsible for wiping out the Protheans,” Garrus pointed out. “This almost seems normal.”  
“Ok, I get what you mean,” she said.  
The pair spent the rest of their time alternating between Garrus asking questions about the time loop and attempting to memorize the feel of each other’s bodies against each other. It was the perfect calm before the storm.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Smash! Ashley nimbly dodged as a boulder the size of the Mako crashed onto the ground where she’d been just a minute earlier. Her adrenaline was running on overtime throughout their mission into the Collector’s base. They’d already rescued the members of their crew who’d been abducted, although Ashley felt a pang of guilt that their efforts to rescue the missing colonists were in vain.   
She took aim and bulls eyed another Collector before it could ambush Miranda, who gave her a curt nod, before returning to the fight. At least, Miranda and Ellen’s biotics gave them an edge in the battle. The trio climbed up to a high platform that seemed to support a massive, mucous colored egg.   
“What is that?” Ellen asked.  
“I believe that would be what the missing colonists were processed into,” EDI explained. “It’s a kind of human reaper.”  
Ashley wanted to vomit the contents of her stomach, and the other two also sported similarly queasy expressions. Of course, the Illusive Man chose that moment to appear via hologram and strongly suggest they keep the Collector’s base running.  
“There’s no fucking way we’re keeping this base!” Ellen yelled.  
“Miranda, how can you allow her to do this?!” the Illusive Man complained.  
“On the contrary, I agree that the only ethical option is to blast this base to kingdom come!” Miranda retorted. “Consider this my resignation!”  
“And you can go fuck yourself!” Ashley suggested before cutting off the channel. When both Ellen and Miranda glanced at her bemusedly she added, “I’ve been wanting to say that to him for a while.”  
Suddenly, the putrid shell cracked and a creepy fetus Reaper burst out. Miranda swore and Ellen instinctively launched a Singularity that failed to make a dent in the monster. Ashley aimed her rifle and fired. A weird slime like substance oozed out of a hole in the creature’s body. Then, Ellen and Miranda launched a simultaneous biotic attack that appeared to catch the creature off guard. It seemed to take an eternity before the creature finally came tumbling down like London bridge, but not before sending the trio crashing down into darkness.  
When Ashley regained consciousness, she observed that Joker was nervously attempting to contact them in order to ascertain around what time they would arrive at the ship. It was a desperate foot race to the Normandy against a swarm of bug like creatures that they fortunately won. Ashley’s heart didn’t cease thumping loudly until they escaped through the Omega relay and out of what was once the Collector’s territory.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
“EDI can you pinpoint Commander Shepard’s location?” Ashley desperately inquired. She’d already been on pins and needles about Ellen undertaking this mission and was only assuaged that Ellen agreed to allow her brother Eric to accompany her.   
“I’m sorry Ashley I can’t do that,” EDI deadpanned.  
It was testament to her increased trust in EDI that the AI quoting 2001: A Space Odyssey didn’t faze Ashley. “No offense EDI, but this isn’t the appropriate time to be telling jokes.”  
“I agree,” Joker concurred from his chair. “There’s a time and place for cracking jokes Eeds, and now really isn’t a good time.”  
“I was merely attempting to bring some levity to our current situation,” EDI retorted. “I assure you that I am still scanning for Commander Shepard’s presence.”  
Suddenly, an explosion emanated from the station, sending shockwaves barreling towards the ship.  
“What the fuck was that?!” Joker exclaimed, perturbed that his beloved ship was in danger.   
“I am ninety-nine-point nine percent certain that we have just pinpointed Commander Shepard’s location,” EDI declared.  
That was the last time any of them were able to crack a joke given what transpired next, and for once Ashley was at a loss for words, quoted or otherwise.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
“No, I won’t allow anyone else to take the fall for a decision I made,” Ellen yelled.   
The conference room was crowded with Eric, Joker, and Garrus in addition to Ashley. Although, Garrus was technically only present to act as moral support for Ashley.  
“With all due respect Commander,” Ashley said. “But, all of us refuse to let the Alliance have you put to death for a choice you had to make.”  
“Eric,” Ellen implored, attempting to shield her brother from the Alliance. Ashley would have probably done the same if it had been one of her sisters.   
“I’ve decided to own up to my complicity in Cerberus’s unsavory actions,” Eric replied. “Maybe, the testimony I provide can give the Alliance an edge over Cerberus in future conflicts.”  
“Fine, and I suppose there’s no point in persuading you to abandon ship Joker,” Ellen said.   
Joker shrugged. “I go where the Normandy goes.”  
“All right, I’ll speak to the rest of the crew and ensure everyone who wishes to depart before our final destination is given a new identity,” Ellen declared.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
To say the Alliance was livid about Ashley’s involvement in the Bahak system incident was a massive understatement. After a frustrating debate, she was freed, but informed that she must remain nearby in case they required her presence. Which, infuriatingly, mean she hadn’t been able to see any of her family apart from attending Sarah’s wedding (and she instinctively sensed she would have been barred from that if Admiral Hackett hadn’t pulled some strings.) In addition, she decided not to contact Garrus as she suspected her mail was being read, and she wasn’t in the mood to deal with judgmental politicians.   
The only positive of her new arrangement was James Vega’s presence, and the fact he was compassionate enough not to push for any details. They’d eat in the cafeteria at the Alliance headquarters, and sometimes James would coax her into browsing at a nearby bookstore for new poetry.   
Kaidan was also present, having been promoted to Major. Unfortunately, any time she attempted to initiate conversation with him, Kaidan fled. She wasn’t sure if this meant he felt guilty about his reactions on Horizon, or he didn’t wish to converse with her at all.   
Finally, the Alliance Command summoned her for a “meeting”. Ashley crossed her fingers and prayed that they’d finally gotten their heads out of their asses, and realized that the Reaper invasion was authentic, and they required Ellen Shepard in order to eradicate the merciless machines. At least, Ellen and Eric both appeared to be unharmed. James gave her a nod, while Kaidan studiously ignored the entire group.   
She ended up zoning out of most of the debate. It wasn’t until, one of the assistants noted the connection with the Luna base short-circuited, that Ashley first sensed that the invasion commenced. The massive windows shattered in a shower of razor sharp shards. Instinctively, Ashley shielded her face with her arms. She winced as some of the glass fragments nicked her forearms.   
“We’ve got to evacuate!” Anderson yelled over the din of invading Reapers.   
Ellen nodded in affirmation, and the group began their egress from the Alliance headquarters. Ashley reluctantly armed herself with a gun pried from the corpse of one of the Alliance council’s bodyguards. If she had to fight her way though Vancouver’s skyscrapers, at least she was fighting alongside people she trusted. Ashley wasn’t certain of their ultimate destination, until she spotted the Normandy hovering over their location. Then, they received the distressing revelation that Anderson wasn’t going to accompany them off world, in spite of Ellen’s pleas. James appeared to be perturbed about the situation too, but obeying orders from your superiors was how the military ran things, so they took off without Anderson and began the short trip to Mars to pick up data supposedly vital to vanquishing the Reapers.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
“Out of the way!” Eric yelled frantically, causing Private Westmoreland to blanch white as a sheet and swiftly flee his ire. He’d been frantic ever since he, and Shepard returned from the mission to Mars with Kaidan terribly injured and barely clinging to life.  
In fact, Ashley suspected that the former Cerberus agent may have developed feelings for Kaidan while incarcerated at the Alliance headquarters. “Take a deep breath,” she advised. “Yelling at the crew isn’t going to improve Kaidan’s condition.”  
Eric sighed heavily. “I know, but it’s hard feeling so god damned helpless right now. Do you know what I mean?”  
Ashley nodded, recollecting her own frightened musings when Dr. Chakwas was patching Garrus up after his rocket incident on Omega. “Yes, I do Eric, and the best thing you can do is remain calm and wait for news.”  
Ellen Shepard entered the hallway with a perturbed expression emblazoned on her face. “Eric, if you keep up antagonizing the crew like this, I’ll have to court martial you.”  
“I’ll try to be politer,” Eric replied.  
“And get some sleep,” Ellen advised. “You’ll be useless in a fight if you aren’t well rested.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Ashley barely suppressed her exhilaration at the opportunity to once again fight alongside Garrus, even if the situation was far from ideal. Not even struggling to make a dent in the massive harvester could mar the reunion. Ashley reloaded her rifle, and finally managed to bull’s eye a weak spot that finally caused the harvester to slump onto the ground dead.   
“How’s your family?” Ashley inquired once the battle was over and the new Primarch was informed of his new position. “Have you heard anything from them?”  
Garrus shook his head. “No, I haven’t. The Reapers have done an excellent job in hampering most of our communications with Palaven, and I can’t inquire about utilizing what channels are still open since relaying orders to the front is our top priority. What about your family?”  
“All I know is that they made it off Earth safely,” Ashley said. “I don’t know how long it’s going to take them to reach the Citadel provided their transport isn’t annihilated by the Reapers. I’ll keep your family in my prayers.”  
“Thanks, that means a lot to me even though I’m not normally the religious type.” After that, they discussed what the other crew members from the first and second Normandy were currently up to, as well as poetry (Garrus had gotten into Tennyson and Langston Hughes). Merely being in Garrus’ presence was a soothing balm to Ashley’s worries, and she believed their chances of destroying the Reapers increased with Garrus on the crew.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
When they arrived back on the Citadel, Ashley instinctively recognized that it was guilt that motivated her to visit Kaidan. Guilt over the fact that her suffering through the time loops hadn’t prevented Kaidan from incurring serious injuries. Kaidan was awake when she arrived in his room and gave her a rueful look. Perhaps, he was reflecting on the less than complimentary words he’d exchanged with both her and Shepard on Horizon.   
“Hey, Kaidan, how are you?” she inquired.  
“I’m still a bit sore, but according to the doctors I’m on the mend,” Kaidan replied. “Actually, I wanted to apologize to you for what I said on Horizon. Shepard gave me an earful when she visited about how the real person I need to make amends with was you. Plus, Hackett provided me with the details about your mission, and I recognize now how brave you were to infiltrate Cerberus.”  
“Don’t worry about it Alenko,” Ashley said. “I probably would have stuck my foot in my mouth and said far worse if our positions were reversed.”  
“Speaking of Cerberus, what do you know about Eric Shepard?” Kaidan queried, endeavoring to appear casual. “I’m still finding it difficult to believe that he and the Commander are related since they don’t resemble each other much.”  
Considering that Eric was pale skinned with pipe cleaner straight brown hair and blue eyes, while Shepard’s skin tone was a light brown, her hair was a curly brown that devolved into a rat’s nest if she didn’t keep it tightly braided, and her eyes were a hazel that flirted with green, Ashley had made the same observation in the past.   
What intrigued her was that Kaidan appeared to be as fascinated by Eric as Eric was with the biotic. Perhaps, the engineer’s budding feelings for Kaidan were requited. “Eric’s a decent guy and he doesn’t have any hang ups about aliens, apart from batarians. He still feels guilty about working for Cerberus even though he didn’t participate in any of their heinous experiments,” Ashley explained. “Why do you ask?”  
Kaidan actually blushed scarlet as though he were a mischievous child whose hand was caught liberating cookies from their jar. “No reason, I was just curious about him and Shepard isn’t exactly an unbiased source.”  
“True. So, I heard a rumor that Udina is offering to make you a Spectre?” Ashley asked, unable to suppress her envy. She’d managed to break the Williams curse and received several promotions as a result of the fight against Saren but becoming a Spectre was a whole new ballgame.  
“Yeah, well a part of me thinks Udina only suggested it because he’s hoping I’ll be more docile and easier to control then Shepard,” Kaidan stated, both of them aware that while Udina technically advocated for humanity, he possessed his own enigmatic agenda.  
“Even if that’s true, I’d recommend considering it. It would be nice to have more human Spectres, and with the war raging it’s difficult to locate other viable candidates.”  
“Thanks for the advice,” Kaidan replied. “I’ll consider it before I make my decision.”  
After saying her farewells and admonishing him not to overdo his PT, Ashley strode down the stairs and almost collided with Thane Krios, a former crewmate and skilled assassin. Because of his former profession, she’d been initially wary of him before he’d been revealed to possess religious beliefs as strong as her own, and they had several interesting discussions regarding theology.   
“Hi Thane, I didn’t know you were staying here,” she greeted him.  
Thane gave her a wan smile. “Unfortunately, my Kepral’s Syndrome has advanced to the point where I need to be near specialists, and my son and I decided that the Citadel was the best place. Were you just visiting Major Alenko? He’s in my PT class, and I’ve had to counsel him to not overexert himself.”  
“Actually, I was wondering if Eric had visited?” Ashley inquired.   
Thane appeared to be amused by the situation, and chuckled. “He visited me and then psyched himself out of visiting Major Alenko. I persuaded him that it might be good for both of them to chat and he acquiesced.”  
Ashley wasn’t surprised that Thane had also taken on the task of playing matchmaker to Kaidan and Eric, since he did exhibit a romantic streak. She asked about his son’s current status, and then departed, pondering how she’d gone from strictly abiding by the Alliance regulations to subtly pushing romantically interested people together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is war, love, and chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was uncertain on how to explain Ashley's time loop until recently, which was part of the reason I was hesitant to write more than one chapter. But I figured out a solution and added a line to chapter one so this isn't a Deus Ex Machina. 
> 
> On another note, I don't own the poetry, or the song at the end.

When the Citadel came under attack from Cerberus, Ashley was having a light lunch with Thane in the hospital’s cafeteria and comparing notes about their religions’ respective afterlives. One minute they were discussing the symbolism of Thane’s religion’s afterlife being the sea, and the next a thunderous boom echoed in the canyons of the Citadel. The former assassin didn’t flinch, but calmly stood up and queried a frantic nurse about what the hospital’s protocols were in case of an attack. His altruistic compassion for the other patients made Ashley feel ashamed that she ever distrusted him.  
While the staff of Huerta Memorial hospital sprang into action to lock down the place, Ashley and Thane departed to investigate the situation. Ashley was somewhat embarrassed to note that she didn’t have a weapon on her, but fortunately Thane was willing to loan her a spare.  
It was clear from the prominent images of their logo embossed on the enemy soldiers’ uniforms that Cerberus was the mastermind behind this invasion of the Citadel. Exactly how this was supposed to positively further humanity’s best interests, Ashley didn’t know. Then again, she always sensed that the Illusive Man wasn’t mentally stable given his organization’s haphazard methods. Ashley endeavored to bear the brunt of the attacks in order to allow Thane to retain his limited stamina. They joined up with Ellen and Eric, who had already seen action if their disheveled state was any indication.   
“I really wish I’d shanked the Illusive Man when I had the chance,” Ellen mused.  
“When we catch up to him I’ll let you do the honors,” Eric volunteered.   
“Do you have any news about the attack?” Ashley interjected into the siblings’ banter.  
“Bailey thinks they might be after the counselors,” Ellen explained. “So, we’re on our way to warn all of them.”  
Between Ashley’s excellent marksmanship skills and Ellen and Thane’s biotics, they cut a swath through the enemy soldiers to the Counselor Valern’s office. The counselor was surprised by their presence, but seemed to trust they were allies. Of course, the arrogant man known as Kai Leng popped up and ruined any plans of evacuating the salarian counselor to safety. Before she could stop him, Thane threw himself into battle against the assassin. To his credit, the combination of Thane’s biotics and his pistol dissuaded Kai Leng from continuing his assault on the counselor, but not before Kai Leng stabbed Thane in the chest, sending vermillion blood cascading onto the egg white tiles.   
“Thane!” Ashley darted forward to assist her friend.   
In spite of his stooped posture, and one of his hands clutching his chest to staunch the blood flow, Thane raised the other to discourage her from approaching any closer. “Don’t worry about me right now. Focus on saving the other counselors from Cerberus.”  
Ashley nodded in acceptance, and after receiving the evacuation route from Valern who promised to accompany Thane to the hospital, the trio raced to intercept the counselors before Cerberus did. Strangely, Udina didn’t seem pleased to see them, and of course Kaidan was also present.   
“They’re with Cerberus!” Udina insisted. “They can’t be trusted!”  
Both Sparatus and Tevos expressed skepticism about Udina’s accusations. Clearly, they didn’t trust Udina’s intentions anymore then the trio did. Kaidan on the other hand glanced back and forth between Udina and Ellen.   
“Back off sister,” Eric gently coaxed her. Ellen pursed her lips, but complied with her brother’s request.  
“Kaidan this probably isn’t the best time to declare this, but you mean a lot to me and I aspire to be worthy of your trust,” Eric declared calmly. “When I joined Cerberus, I felt a debt to them for rescuing me from those vicious batarians and I believed that they truly did work to further humanity’s best interests. Obviously, I discovered I was mistaken and left.”  
“That sounds like a lovely speech,” Udina sneered. “But it’s all a lie.”  
“So are you,” Eric countered. “In fact, you’re just like Cerberus. You profess you serve humanity’s best interests, but those always take a back seat to your personal agenda. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover you’ve joined forces with Cerberus to preserve your life at the expense of the other counselors. After all, you’ve always been the consummate slimy politician, backstabbing everyone in order to maintain your position.”  
“How dare you accuse me of treason?!” Udina complained.  
Kaidan sighed. “I know I’m going to regret this,” he said.   
“You’re only doing the right thing,” Eric encouraged, and Ashley felt she was intruding on a private moment between the pair, and focused her attention on Udina who strode towards the console in spite of Eric’s warning.  
Tevos sauntered forward to prevent him, and suddenly Udina produced a gun and honed its muzzle towards the asari councilor.   
Bang! Udina fell to the floor dead, while Tevos appeared to be completely unharmed. It took several seconds for Ashley’s mind to register that Kaidan had just shot the human councilor. Eric calmly stepped forward, and allowed Kaidan to throw him arms around him. The one positive of this debacle was the councilors were suitably grateful for their aid, and Shepard utilized this to acquire a secure transport to the hospital to check in on Thane.  
Tragically, Thane’s wounds turned out to be fatal, and all Ashley could do was squeeze his hand and say she would pray for him. Back on the Normandy, the mood was somber and Garrus let her bunk with him in the forward battery since Ashley didn’t want to be alone with her grief.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
“Does working with the geth bother you?” Garrus inquired, as they waited to see who Ellen would decide to put in her shore party to assist the quarians. While Ashley was pleased to reunite with Tali, whom she thought of as a little sister, her heart contracted inward with sympathy at the heavy weight currently on Tali’s shoulders as an admiral of the fleet.   
“I don’t know,” Ashley admitted. “Before I met Legion, it would have pissed me off, because of the 212, but now I’m not so sure.”  
Garrus gently squeezed her hand. “It’s ok to admit you don’t have all the answers, and you’re uncertain about things. You and Shepard taught me that.”  
In the end, neither of them was chosen and they spent the day practicing on the target range until the shore party returned, with Tali safe, but clearly grief stricken over Legion’s sacrifice.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Ashley assumed that she’d experienced the strangest events already via working with Commander Ellen Shepard. However, discovering a live Prothean named Javik really took the cake. If she’d read about the event in a mission report, she would have assumed whoever wrote it was reading too many science fiction novels. This was proof that reality could be stranger and more bizarre than fiction could ever aspire to be. Naturally, said Prothean was extremely hostile to Liara to the point that Ellen constantly was called upon to do damage control. Ashley didn’t envy Commander Shepard in the slightest of having to smooth ruffled feathers.  
For the most part, Ashley avoided speaking to Javik, and mostly spent time with Tali, Garrus, Kaidan, and Eric. Tali seemed to have come to terms with her new rank and was back to debating with Engineer Adams of potential upgrades to the Normandy. Garrus was foremost her rock of support, especially as both their families were forced the flee the Reaper forces. Moreover, she was pleased to observe that Kaidan and Eric were gradually becoming aware of their mutual attraction and acting on it.  
However, she couldn’t avoid Javik forever, and one evening after enjoying a lively dinner with her friends and Garrus in the mess hall, the Prothean managed to corner her.  
“You have a Prothean time stone,” Javik declared. “It’s how you were able to spin time to your advantage.”  
“Then why didn’t your people utilize them to rescue themselves from the Reapers?” Ashley demanded recklessly.   
Javik shot her an icy glare and she regretted her hasty words. She’d be just as pissed off if someone insinuated that she should have employed to save the 212 instead of Kaidan. “The stone only activates if the user’s life is ended, and when my people were processed into foot soldiers. Therefore, they technically were still alive. Moreover, it can be utilized to activate a time loop only once. After the user figures out how to break that cycle, it can’t be used again.”  
“I see,” Ashley replied. She was rescued from making small talk when Liara arrived to continue another one of the pair’s passive aggressive arguments. Ashley gratefully retreated to the starboard lounge, and rifled through her meager possessions until she located the stone mentioned by Javik. For something that altered time and fate, the rock was chunky and a dull, pencil gray color. As grateful as Ashley was that she wouldn’t be sucked into another time loop, she had a new awareness that if either she or Garrus perished in this war, there would be no do overs. They would stay dead.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
In spite of her enhanced awareness of her mortality, Ashley was determined to enjoy the shore leave on the Citadel as the Normandy went through the required repairs and retrofits. Being top priority for upgrades was one of the few perks of being on an actively serving ship in the midst of apocalyptic war. Moreover, it provided an opportunity to touch base with Sarah, the only member of her family who was currently on the Citadel.   
Sarah and Garrus immediately became fast friends, with Garrus being incredibly empathetic about Sarah losing her husband to the Reapers. Being used to consoling those who lost loved ones in battle was probably was one of the benefits of being raised in a militaristic culture. Hopefully, Sarah’s support would help win over her mother, who shared some of her late husband’s prejudices against turians. At least on Garrus’ side, his father would be relieved enough that his son was settling down with anyone, even if it was a human.   
Not even the appearance of a Shepard clone hell bent on stealing the Normandy could dampen Ashley’s enthusiasm. She was thrilled when Ellen announced she was throwing a large party as a last hurrah before returning to the war. It was nice to chat with Miranda, who had reunited with her sister Oriana and was currently assisting in the construction of the Crucible.   
It was perfect, apart from when she walked in on Kaidan and Eric while searching for a bathroom. Kaidan blushed crimson at being caught in an awkward position by one of his squad mates.   
“Sorry, but I don’t do threesomes Williams,” Eric snarked. Tact had never been his strong point, and he was clearly perturbed at being interrupted.   
“Just remember to lock the door,” Ashley retorted. “Besides, Garrus doesn’t share.”  
As happy she was for the pair, Ashley could have lived her whole life without glimpsing them naked. Fortunately, she located Garrus, who was quite happy to help her forget about what she’d witnessed. Multiple times, in fact.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
After Ellen Shepard’s announcement that this was the final push to defeat the Reapers once and for all, Ashley wasn’t shocked to see Garrus in the starboard lounge, waiting for her. “Isn’t it weird we keep having these ‘seize the day, because tomorrow we might be dead’ moments?” she queried playfully.   
“True, but it strengthens our resolve to win,” Garrus replied. “‘Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly’”.   
Ashley’s heart beat a little stronger at Garrus reciting poetry. “‘Yet their hands shall not tremble, their feet shall not falter; the void shall not weary, and the fear shall not alter these lips and these eyes of the loved and the lover.’”  
“Is that Tennyson?” Garrus guessed.  
“William Morris actually,” Ashley admitted. “It’s the one poem by him I can recall by him.”  
“Well there’s one good reason to survive this battle,” Garrus joked. “I need to research this guy and find more of his poems to recite for you.”  
They didn’t have as much sex as Ashley initially assumed they would. There was sex, but there was also an extensive cataloging and memorizing of scars and body parts, of simply feeling and touching each other in case they never got the chance to do so again. In addition, there was a brief discussion regarding their favorite parts of their lover’s anatomy.   
“I really like the inner part of your thighs,” Garrus admitted in between gently teething and licking said thighs. “They aren’t that dissimilar from turian women’s thighs, and it’s always a treat to watch you orgasm simply because I’m touching them.”  
“Your carapace is my favorite part,” Ashley admitted. “Human men don’t have that, and I like biting it, even though I don’t generally bite guys I sleep with.”  
Garrus launched into a brief lecture about the evolutionary biology behind the development of a carapace, and it was surprisingly fascinating. Although that was probably due to her romantic and sexual desire for the speaker. Garrus could be explaining tax laws on the Citadel and it would be equally riveting. They lay together on the floor, snuggling as closely as they could manage without Ashley sustaining injuries from Garrus’ spiky body until they received their orders to assemble in the meeting room for Ellen’s battle plan.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Ashley was embarrassed to admit afterwards that the final battle against the Reapers was a blur in her mind. She could easily recall the banter between herself, Ellen, Anderson, Garrus, and Major Coats on the way to the front lines. She also was pleased to observe several groups of quarians and geths fighting side by side, their enmity forgotten in the face of a greater foe. However, everything else was more difficult to recall. One minute, she was shooting down brutes and husks, the next she was in the evacuation shuttle with Garrus, and Ellen wasn’t with them.   
While Dr. Chakwas insisted that she rest, the doctor didn’t bother to separate Ashley and Garrus. Apparently, most of the crew had figured out the pair were together. To distract Garrus from his worries about Ellen, and quell her own mind from imagining the worst scenarios, she chatted about their respective families as well as their hopes for the future.  
“You know even if we can’t have children biologically, I’d like to adopt a couple,” she suggested.  
Garrus smiled for the first time since before the battle. “There’s probably a few war orphans that could use a family.”  
Suddenly, there was a loud ruckus just outside the medical bay doors, and Dr. Chakwas came rushing in with a stretcher bearing their fearless Commander Ellen Shepard. She was badly bruised, and unconscious, but she was alive. Liara and Eric stood nearby as sentinels, anxiously awaiting Dr. Chakwas’ prognosis. Before she fell into unconsciousness, Ashley sent a silent prayer to God that the Commander would be all right.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Butterflies danced in Garrus’ stomach, even though he’d never been more certain of his current course of action. His older sister Solana poked him with her arm.   
“Relax, you’ll do fine,” she said.  
Easy for her to say, since she was still “playing the field” in no danger of getting married any time soon. Although, Garrus privately admitted that her current + 1 Aurelius Longinus was a fairly pleasant individual. The challenge was combining turian and human matrimonial traditions into a cohesive ceremony. Ashley was thrilled by the fact that turian traditions mandated that both groom and bride were walked down the aisle with their family and given to each other.   
Both were grateful that Admiral Hackett took some time out of his busy schedule of rebuilding Earth, and the other colonies affected by the Reapers to streamline the application process to allow Ashley to wear something other than her military uniform. Since their options were limited, Ashley decided to forgo the traditional white wedding dress in favor of a navy-blue evening gown with a jacket and sparkly sequins.   
There were no elaborate decorations apart from some ribbons framing the pulpit for the priest Ashley’s mother persuaded into performing the ceremony in spite of Garrus not being baptized. The reception was also simple with both dextro and levo finger foods and two small round cakes. The only argument they had was regarding who would have Shepard as their attendant until Shepard said she’d prefer not to be either since she still had to navigate crutches just to attend the wedding. In the end, Garrus had Joker, Solana, Tali, Eric, and Kaidan on his side, while Ashley opted to have her four sisters, and James at her side.   
Just about everyone who knew the happy couple and could get leave opted to attend. Garrus even spotted Miranda sitting in between her sister Oriana and a tall brown-haired man with blue eyes he didn’t recognize.   
“It’s time,” his father Castis said surprisingly gently. Perhaps, he recalled his own jitters the day he married Garrus’ mother.   
Garrus took a deep breath and began the walk down the far-left aisle with his family and attendants. Ashley was making the same journey with her family and attendants down the far-right aisle. As they did this, music played. The song chosen by Ashley was unconventional, but Garrus understood why it resonated strongly with her.  
“If Today was your last day,  
Tomorrow was too late.  
Could you say good-bye to yesterday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everyone who wants to know what happens next to Garrus and Ashley, they adopt a grumpy turian boy who warms up to them and then have a couple of turian-human hybrid kids. Shepard and Liara marry and have a small brood of blue children, while Kaidan and Eric opt to tie the knot, but decide not to have children. Solana marries her plus one and has three children. 
> 
> And in other news, a certain character from an anime I like makes a small guest appearance at Garrus and Ashley's wedding as Miranda's plus one. I'm curious to see if anyone can name him correctly.


End file.
